Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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