I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm sobbing to NWA
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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