he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
