I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
