Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
