...so i touched it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
