she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
