btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
