She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
