how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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