apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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