dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
