I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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