Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
