It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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