Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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