also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
