Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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