you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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