Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
