Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
