when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
