i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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