i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
