why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
