my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
