I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
