Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
