Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
