in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
