he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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