Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
