He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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