just tell him i said nine months
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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