You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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