I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
