ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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