Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
