Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
