Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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