Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
