I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
