just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
