It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
