she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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