I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
