Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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