If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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