she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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