She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
