No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Randomize
