you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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