I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If that was your dad, he is hot
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
