Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
