I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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