Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
