I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
