You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize