I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
