i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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