sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The air was thick with penises
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
