i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
