What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
