just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
