you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
