i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Less talking, more tequila
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize