His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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