Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
3 2 1 whiskey
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
