He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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