I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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