Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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